i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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