Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
