it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
