i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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