He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
