I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
