I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
