Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
In America we eat man semen.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So many bounce houses so little time
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
