i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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