His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
