First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
