she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
