dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Randomize
