You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Green mimosas i think yes
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
