I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
