She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
