Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
