I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
