I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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