Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
he puts the penis in happiness.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
