So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
