she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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