Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
