just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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