Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
