i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
