yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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