I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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