I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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