I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
