I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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