I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.