There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Let's paint friendship bongs
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?