Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
where does the pee come out of this thing
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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