Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!