U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.