You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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