And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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