You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
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You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
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I'm too high and old for this...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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