i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
