He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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