there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
