I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Plan B is the new Plan A
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
