i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
