I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
