a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
