dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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