Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
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I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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