i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
