party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
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i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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