Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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