the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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