Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
