you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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