before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
