hotel room ftw
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
