You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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