the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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