Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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