He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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