You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
