I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
