Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
