She's JV to your varsity
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
