sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
