also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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