when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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