the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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