it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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