i need an iv and a liver transplant
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
