i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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