I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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