she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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