Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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