i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
