can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
