I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
