for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
