well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
