I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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