you guys were way drunker than both of me
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
