8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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