How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
